RAW.

Say that you are joyfully married to your soulmate and best friend. You live in a good space that you absolutely love to call your home. You have your dream job of helping life into this world. You have a strong supportive family spine. You have come to accept the fact; that you have the prettiest long, thick, red hair everrr. Just had the best wedding of 2016 and married your king.
You can add a very traumatic experience to that, and hey if you looking for negativity, you can find a lot of things that bring you down.

But overall you choose to be happy!

You are the the happiest, nicest, caring person that people know! You love people, and people love you. You are surrounded by everything happy, positive and perfect-- and you totally love your life!

And then your therapist says to you: "It sounds like you have depression."
Then she continues on how the word: "depression" has such a bad stigma. It is simply a chemical imbalance caused from all your stress.
[ie nursing school, moving, wedding, death]
Let's be honest here: your lifestyle choices, relationships, and coping skills matter too.

You are in denial, but you start thinking that in actuality.... you have felt a little off, a little disconnected from the world's energy, a little down on yourself for this and that-- you're even very fat for you. You have pushed away some best friends, withdrawn to your head and sometimes you try too hard to fake that smile. You give it a second thought and read up on this word: "Depression"... "that feeling of impending doom" <- Those new anxiety attacks that you have to breathe yourself through. Your lack of interest in even getting dressed, let alone leaving the house for any reason. Drinking often, and way too much. That tossing and turning at night, caffeine not doing a thing. Shoulder shrugging, large scrub wearing, minimal make up wearing zombie.

Hmm.. maybe you have let yourself just slip through the cracks.

I am taking this as my: "wake up and feel reality call."
#choosingtobehappy

Here are my short term and long term goals for myself:
CHECK THAT POSTURE GIRL!! [posture checks all day, working out and stretching that back and shoulders.]
Stop with the constantly saying sorry-- [unless I really need to be sorry of course!]
Be confident and be assertive-- FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
No more of this withdrawn crap [I'll save that for my zen time]
Coping with conflict <-- This might take some research and time..
Save $$$$
More green tea, much less alcohol. [Sober November]
No comparing yourself to others, just yourself yesterday.
Blog more -- lucky YOU :P
Give at least 5 compliments and 5 genuine thank yous a day.
Spend more time with the grandparentals.
Quit pressing snooze, or at least only once-- haha.
Backpack through Europe. [Planning on our honeymoon November 2017]
Go back to school for my Bachelor's degree, but let's enjoy two more quarters off first ;)
BE HEALTHY!! [the gym was a good start today, but I want to nourish this baby maker.]
Diet-- meal and dinner plans weekly!
Volunteer monthly.
Be more involved in the world and news-- still not politics though ;).
Spend more time outside in nature!
At least 3+ road trips this year!! [Yellowstone/Jackson & Pacific Coast Highway!]

From this older, happier post:
What are you feeling especially blessed or thankful for today? If you are feeling down and out, I challenge you. Every night when you crawl in bed, think of three things you are thankful for today, and three things you want to accomplish for tomorrow. Think happy thoughts, then sleep on them, and make the best of every day.