RAW.

Say that you are joyfully married to your soulmate and best friend. You live in a good space that you absolutely love to call your home. You have your dream job of helping life into this world. You have a strong supportive family spine. You have come to accept the fact; that you have the prettiest long, thick, red hair everrr. Just had the best wedding of 2016 and married your king.
You can add a very traumatic experience to that, and hey if you looking for negativity, you can find a lot of things that bring you down.

But overall you choose to be happy!

You are the the happiest, nicest, caring person that people know! You love people, and people love you. You are surrounded by everything happy, positive and perfect-- and you totally love your life!

And then your therapist says to you: "It sounds like you have depression."
Then she continues on how the word: "depression" has such a bad stigma. It is simply a chemical imbalance caused from all your stress.
[ie nursing school, moving, wedding, death]
Let's be honest here: your lifestyle choices, relationships, and coping skills matter too.

You are in denial, but you start thinking that in actuality.... you have felt a little off, a little disconnected from the world's energy, a little down on yourself for this and that-- you're even very fat for you. You have pushed away some best friends, withdrawn to your head and sometimes you try too hard to fake that smile. You give it a second thought and read up on this word: "Depression"... "that feeling of impending doom" <- Those new anxiety attacks that you have to breathe yourself through. Your lack of interest in even getting dressed, let alone leaving the house for any reason. Drinking often, and way too much. That tossing and turning at night, caffeine not doing a thing. Shoulder shrugging, large scrub wearing, minimal make up wearing zombie.

Hmm.. maybe you have let yourself just slip through the cracks.

I am taking this as my: "wake up and feel reality call."
#choosingtobehappy

Here are my short term and long term goals for myself:
CHECK THAT POSTURE GIRL!! [posture checks all day, working out and stretching that back and shoulders.]
Stop with the constantly saying sorry-- [unless I really need to be sorry of course!]
Be confident and be assertive-- FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
No more of this withdrawn crap [I'll save that for my zen time]
Coping with conflict <-- This might take some research and time..
Save $$$$
More green tea, much less alcohol. [Sober November]
No comparing yourself to others, just yourself yesterday.
Blog more -- lucky YOU :P
Give at least 5 compliments and 5 genuine thank yous a day.
Spend more time with the grandparentals.
Quit pressing snooze, or at least only once-- haha.
Backpack through Europe. [Planning on our honeymoon November 2017]
Go back to school for my Bachelor's degree, but let's enjoy two more quarters off first ;)
BE HEALTHY!! [the gym was a good start today, but I want to nourish this baby maker.]
Diet-- meal and dinner plans weekly!
Volunteer monthly.
Be more involved in the world and news-- still not politics though ;).
Spend more time outside in nature!
At least 3+ road trips this year!! [Yellowstone/Jackson & Pacific Coast Highway!]

From this older, happier post:
What are you feeling especially blessed or thankful for today? If you are feeling down and out, I challenge you. Every night when you crawl in bed, think of three things you are thankful for today, and three things you want to accomplish for tomorrow. Think happy thoughts, then sleep on them, and make the best of every day.

Wigs for Kids.

I have been saying all of 2016, that after I got married I would donate my hair! Well- November 2nd I did just that! After a little research, I learned that Locks of Love actually charges the family for the donated hair. Wigs for Kids was suggested to me by a friend! I found a cute little salon that would send it for me! I was able to donate 13"!! 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
BEFORE: 

AFTER:

love.

Love is deep. It's sacrificial. Love doesn't always mean happiness. Love is sharing someone's joy as well as their pain. You smile when they smile, and you hurt when they hurt. Love is being willing to endure pain or hardship to spare the one you love. Love is supporting someone through their struggles, consoling someone when they grieve, and caring for them when they are sick. Love is unconditional. ⠀⠀ ⠀

True genuine love is not always easy. ⠀⠀ ⠀

But it is worth it.

the more one judges the less one loves.

I Just left the gym for the first time in longer than I would like to admit -- & I loved it. I am thankful that my hunky husband will come with my ass, and show me how it is done. :P
Not everyone is as lucky as him to not feel judged there -- I love you babe! ;)

Anyway, I love this insta-post and had to share it with you today!

::::::::::::::::::::

"When Chris & I first started working out at the Rec, we were judged hardcore. Someone even posted on Facebook about the "buff couple" & how they "thought they're hot shit because they wear their belts all the time". This was about two months after my back surgery & I did indeed wear my lifting belt during almost all of my workouts for support.

My point is, everyone gets judged. People don't bother to understand where you're coming from or why you do the things you do.

That overweight guy? Someone judges him because of his weight, but little do they know he's already lost 100 pounds & has changed his entire life around.

That guy with the skinny legs? He's had seven knee surgeries & he's currently trying to strengthen his legs. It's just a long hard process.

That skinny girl you think "really needs to eat"? She's actually super self conscious about her thin figure & has been trying to gain weight, but her metabolism is super high.

That kid who follows you around & watches everything you do? He looks up to you and wants to learn your workouts, he's just scared to approach you.

That girl with really bad form? She had to mentally prepare to enter the weight room because she was terrified of people judging her. She second guesses every exercise, but she's too intimidated to ask anyone for advice.

That buff dude you think is cocky? He grew up in poverty and working out was his alternative to drugs or alcohol. He's not cocky-just focused.

That woman taking too long on the equipment you want? She's a single mom exhausted from working two jobs & raising three kids. She's trying to push herself to finish her workout, but she needs a little extra rest between sets.

That old man doing strange exercises and talking too much? He decided to get a gym membership to stay active & socialize after his wife passed away last year. Talking to you makes his day & has helped his depression.

There's more to people than what you see. Instead of jumping to conclusions or making judgements, take a moment to consider someone else's perspective.

Don't judge a book by its cover."
@stephanielynn996 // Via: Instagram

Hi blog friend!!
Do you feel neglected? You totally should, but everything that has happened this year, has been ahhhmazing. Hopefully that gives me a lot to write about :P.

For now, just a quick update!!

I'm coming at you from our office, in our nice little apartment that I share with my HUSBAND!!!!!!!

Today is October 13th 2016 and here are some fun facts:
♥ My beautiful Momma turns 46 today-- breast cancer free for two years now!
♥ Our one month marriage anniversary is today-- #Llamas.
♥ My amazing Grandma turns 75 in ONE week!!
♥ I'm an auntie already!
♥ Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton is going to be president next year.
♥ & Gilmore Girls finally hooked me.
That is as exciting as it gets for Mrs. Olsen over here ;)
Stay tuned ♉ .

freakishly quiet in my head today..

Wow, I think this is the first time in the last three years I have nothing to stress about.

#Oola

There has been a lot going on with me lately, and I have caught myself off balance.
I need to balance these chakras right up.

Starting today I'm going to take steps every single day to do better at taking care of myself so I can better take care of others. I feel so weighed down right now (and not just from vacation burritos haha). I am starting to feel all the mad stress of new career/moving out/getting married/adulting etc.

"What is to give light must endure burning." //Viktor Frankl -- perfectly sums up how being a new nurse is going for me.

I think it has been the most traumatic, yet most rewarding thing I've done with my life.
It is such an emotional experience to be there at the most exciting, life changing moment between a family. Whether it's first time mommy and daddy, or just another angel baby for the family. Human life is a true miracle. It's been incredible to share so many intense and humbling moments together.

Being a nurse is a lifestyle. I need to set a good example, and contribute to the team, and that means I need to take better care of myself so I can endure more. Physically and mentally.

"Ongoing self-care practices are absent." //Eric Gentry.

Lessons from Nurse Residency 03/01/2016: ABC's of prevention: Awareness, Balance & Connections.

MY goals as an RN on the team:
be present, and alert.
take a deep breath and things through.
be a collaborator.
practice gratitude every shift [Say thank you at least 3x daily.]
deal with things as they come up, and stay on top of charting & strip reviews.
learn to SPEAK UP and be confident!
communicate clearly.
be hyper aware of the environment and any trends or changes.
after every shift; think of something I have done well, and something I want to work on.

I love my job!