Dear Journal.

If you have looked back through my blog at all, I've always been kind of stuck. I want to blog more, I want to journal; but I am shy, and very highly critical of myself. I second guess everything I say-- I straight up suck at communicating. It makes perfect sense in my head, but something gets lost in translation to my fingers/mouth!!! #mumbler. It really is plain silly.

Anyway, I've had this Q and A Journal for a long time. [My BABE of a friend Liz Hasler Williams gave it to me for a birthday one year. Thanks Lizzie :-*] I admit first off: I have been SLACKING to say the least; but I decided to commit to filling it out this year. [Rando: It seems like I only tend to write in it on odd years: 2013, 2015, 2017..] Also, Dave and I recieved the couple edition as a wedding gift, and we have LOVED filling it out so far! In fact we loved it so much that we got almost all of our "couple" friends their own book for Christmas! :)

Such a fun gift, and a great way to journal without feeling completely vulnerable. I was reading back today, and I had to stop on this page: 

It just made me smile, and validate all that I believe in. I have always said I am a firm believer in the law of attraction, and I absolutely think that everything happens for a reason. If you want to be happy, BE happy. You can be anything you want to be, and do anything you want to do if you just believe it 100%. I think the same goes the other way as well though. If you want to be jealous or mean, you will always find a reason to be. If you feel like you have bad luck, you will attract more of it. Think positive! Thoughts have mass, and mass attracts things.. Make sure you're adding good to this world and you will get nothing but good things back at you. 

 

Shuffle.

I'm trying to figure out WHY I like the music I like. Is it the music, or the experiences??
It started tonight [actually December 16th is when this draft was written, just had to spruce it up today! ;] when I pulled David in for Temple of the Dog. My iTunes was on shuffle, which was a nice change of pace since I am usually on Pandora 24/7/365... I love them so much, just reminds me of my Mom & Glen. He can sing and play them SO well!
"SOBER" BY TOOL= GETS ME EVERY TIME.
You guys I know everything old school EMINEM. I grew up listening to the most angry awful music by him, but I think I turned out alright ;)
"Voodoo" by Godsmack screams Candice Mettome and camping at Bear Lake for me.
"Mr. Jones," by Counting Crows, or anything off of the August and Everything After CD reminds me of my uncle Justin and all of his cool high school friends haha.
"Just Like You Imagined" by Nine Inch Nails = SEX.
"Change (In The House of Flies)" by Deftones -- definitely turns me on every. single. time.. and hearing/feeling it live ohhhhh my goodness.
"Take a Chance on Me," by ABBA totally reminds me of attempting to choreograph dance routines with Hilary Ballsteadt, so we could perform it for our neighbor Nick Cole and he would magically fall in love with my singing and dancing skills. (LOL on a whole other level).
When The White Stripes: "Seven Nation Army" comes on I cannot help but melt. Reminds me of that one time at Lollapalooza when Audioslave covered it!! To this day, that is still one of my favorite concerts ever!!
Aerosmith is one of my all time favorite bands, and my very first concert too! I loved Steven Tyler and his big lips, before it was cool to love Steven Tyler!! We are talking circa 1997, when I thought it was cool to wear my Sesame Street shirt with my Jinco shorts and skater shoes. [Hang tight-- I WILL find this picture for you!]
Tom Petty though.
TOM F*CKING PETTY.
I grew up with him, and one day I realized he was the one that sang all my favorite songs, to most of my favorite experiences... & Steve Miller-- "The Joker" didn't know what half the lyrics meant or who he was half my life--- but it is back from Timberlake apartment days to camping with Lori and Alan. I have the best memories of my crazy ma'ma and her free spirited friends.
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
Anything Chris Cornell << thanks Ma'ma! Love Soundgarden and Audioslave so hard!
Rob Zombie-- esp: "Living Dead Girl"
LIVE- "LIGHTING CRASHES" BUT REALLY, HAVE YOU SEEN A PLACENTA?!!?-- and why does it fall to the floor?
Everything Limp Bizkit-- do you know where you are?!.
Coheed and Cambria-- I think that I found these guys because Jess and Chase saw them opening up for someone... I LOVE "Coming Home" from Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume 1: From Fear Through The Eyes Of Mad. << IN FACT I love this whole album >> Like A LOT.
BROODS. I dig! I got into them from Noah actually, and his love for Chvrches. I downloaded their album Evergreen, because I am obsessed with "Four Walls." I don't know why, but this song == Stop and listen. It makes me sway, it makes me groove, it makes me feel safe, breathe out, love. I likey. >>takes me to the peak of everything I am<<<
"Drops of Jupiter" by Train-- if you give it more than 10 seconds, it is the story of my dream/perfect world. I like it, it is grounding-- on the space level.
K I am going to be honest.. the only Chiodos song I like so far is totally cliche: "The words best friends".. yaddda yadda. I've tried.. I LOVE LOVE this song, everything else, eh....
"Hit Em High"-- SPACE JAM is MY jam!!
K thanks shuffle: Skrilllllllllix--- Jenny. Period end of story. That chick is a combustible ball of energy-- no matter the kind!!!! Being on her level is a high on another level. HIM and "Otis" by Kanye and Jay Z scream Jenny Wall Clark to me too!
NELLY- holy old school-- I had the Country Grammar album because I was obsessed with the song "Country Grammar" on the Box (channel 69) on our little kitchen TV. When the older kids found out I had this CD, I was cool for like a week. (No you can't borrow it, but I'll burn you a copy ;) Guys remember Napster and Limewire? Definitely ruined a computer or two, still think all the music was worth it!
Incubus reminds me mostly of Chase Johnson & his huge Incubus poster in his bedroom, [I want to thank him for that!] Early Incubus is MY FAVORITE by FAR. It's kind of weird but I associate him the most with A Crow Left of the Murder..., Morning View, and Make Yourself [The best ones really -- the CLASSICS in my opinion.] Although, arguably Light Grenades has some of my personal favorite songs and experiences...
I feel like I have to thank Chase for the slight influences of The Mars Volta & probably Muse too...
The Black Eyed Peas might have come from Amanda Dalton-- esp: "Don't Lie" on Monkey Business. Holy 2005. Gosh what a timeless album with so many hits!!!
Kelly Clarkson is another guilty pleasure--like Pink, she relates to me. The summer I started dating David, I use to blast Pink with the windows down and try to sing along every time we were hungover. Not only did he put up with that, he encouraged me: "Oh, whoa babe I think you hit that note!" bahaha
KORN-reminds me of so many feelings.. feeling like a fool inside haha, like that one time we were all on our way to the Korn concert, and freaking Korn comes on the radio and they asked me who it was and I had no idea. I've come a long way since then. (How can you not recognize JD's voice?! I slap my face still to this day for that one)
"Diary of Jane" -- classic Breaking Benjamin. These guys scream Nick Jacobs to me. I personally think that I underrate these guys!
Seriously though, what ever happened to Akon? lol
Gwen Stafani & No Doubt!! These guys are so good, they do have that one song that just kills me. I need more of them in my life!
BECAUSE WHEN I ARRIVE I BRING THE FIRE!!!! "LET IT ROCK!" Makes me happy, every time!!
Slipknot, "Wait and Bleed" gets me so freaking excited!! Like Ashlei Hazelton going to a Chevelle concert excited.. [speaking of Chevelle :X-- totally lost the V to "Send the Pain Below" <- LOL] Anyway, I have a whole new appreciation for Slipknot thanks to Justin Clark. They use to scare me to be honest haha. But seriously, how beautiful is "Snuff" and "Vermillion"?! I should have gotten into them a lot sooner.
Alice In Chains: LONG STORY for another time.
Of course, how can I mention all this music and forget about my most favorite: A Lily Gray! Of course I might be slightly bias, but that first time I went to see them in concert I was hooked, and how lucky am I to marry the hunk that sings for them!? ;)

This just skims the surface, I have to do another shuffle night because that was fun! Thanks for staying tuned ;). I want to hear your musical experiences!!

radiation.

Do you ever catch yourself creeping on yourself? Seriously, I look back through my own Twitter, my own Facebook, my own Instagram, and I love to read back through my own blog. After all, "The only person you should be better than, is the person you were yesterday." I look back, and can't help but smile and be proud of myself. I have been trying to give myself more credit, I am pretty amazing :P. I have lived, and oh, have I learned.
Don't get me wrong, I am the ultimate creeper, after all-- that is what we have Facebook for, right?

I feel like I have been radiating sun rays out lately, or maybe it is just all that coffee... I have been carrying so much good energy, and it makes me so happy to spread the love. I freaking love my job! It makes me so happy to really bond and make sure my patient gets the best care. I love to try and help out my co-workers as much as I am able; if it makes someone else's life easier, why not? I have been trying to smile and acknowledge people by their names. I love telling my King David how much I love him, and how proud of him I am. I love kissing him every single morning! I love telling people "thank you". I love building people up, and making them feel important. I love texting my mommy. I love coffee. Pandora, SNAPCHAT. I love learning new things, being curious, and keeping my brain aroused. I just love to have a good attitude, it literally makes EVERYTHING better. I am loving ME and it feels so good!! Now I need to re-fall in love with the gym. I just need to go, I need to do!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

Anyway, update on our healthy lifestyle!!
Since January 1st, I am down 13#!! David is down 10#, and his blood pressure has dropped too! <3
We have not worked out one day, but we have significantly changed our diet! << maybe that is why I'm feelin' so good.
[P. S. I am totally still on day 15 of 30 days of Yoga! haha]

namaste loves.

Accountability.

Since I've last checked in, we've had Thanksgiving, the end of "Sober November" and the entire Christmas/New Year's season. Whoa-- that went WAY too fast!! My demise of the low-carb, ketogenic diet was November 30th when we had some celebratory drinks-- I think I was sick for a week!!! I am still on Day 15 of 30 days of yoga [LOL]. Which is straight pathetic to me, because I absolutely LOVE doing it.

This time I got David in on it with me, [the Keto, I'll keep working on the Yoga! ;] and so far, he has been great support! Poor guy had to give up all of his favorites: Cheeze-its, Mt. Dew, PB & Js. On Sunday, we had our last carb loading day, took our weight and measurements, and even some lovely before pictures. We have our meals planned out, and a blood tester to test for success. Today marks day three on our new lifestyle! I think David might be getting the "Keto Flu" already, I'm pretty pumped for him to feel the good effects of being in ketosis. I hope it helps his blood pressure too. ♥♥♥.

Gosh it feels good to be alive!

Checking in.

My mom & I met such a rad man [& his wife Amy] this weekend! His name was Ken, and his philosophy for life and staying young is simple:
1. Smile.
2. Hydrate.
3. Keep your mind and your body moving!

I'm holding myself accountable and trying to work on my self-discipline! Today marks day thirteen of Sober November for me, day four on my Keto diet LIFESTYLE, and day two of: The 30 Days of Yoga journey with Adriene. Hey-- gotta start somewhere! :)

This past weekend was quite relaxing & enjoyable-- full of temptations [carbs & booze] but I held strong!
On Saturday morning my mom and I went on a nice long hike up Millcreek canyon, right next to Millcreek Inn <3! I have been loving this nice fall weather! I am stoked that we actually have had a fall this year in Utah!!

After our hike we headed up to Kamas to meet our friend's [Scotty & Kaitlin] twins: Emilia & Eleanor. They are so freaking adorable! Our little friend Everett [E & E's big brother] showed us his horses, his Star's Hollow goats and his playhouse! We were actually locked in his playhouse for a good 6 minutes, it was hilarious. Such cute kids!!

After Kamas, my mom and I hit up our favorite local jerky place Samak, and then took to Park City for the night! We scored a deal in a cottage at the Park City Hotel, we even had our own hot tub on the deck!!
We went to the No Name Saloon for Scotty's birthday dinner, and I drank a TON of water, and stuck within Keto limits (minus a nacho or two ;).

On Sunday, we met up with David and Mikey at the Ice House for AJ's 21st birthday! Second bar in two days that I have been in and not drank, it was quite nice!! Then the biggest challenge of course: Sunday dinner @ Grandma's house! I totally gave into the pumpkin cheesecake and I don't even regret it haha. I love seeing the whole fam dam!<33

My phone has been acting up, so it wouldn't charge all weekend-- which was a nice break from everything actually. The things I missed most were MY CAMERA, Snapchat--I'm obsessed, and surprisingly MyFitness Pal! Of course it was rough not being able to text David too ;).

Photo and weekend credit goes to mi madre -- gracias mamá.

Peace and love to you, my friend. :)

Career Chronicles

I've been doing a little reminiscing today, looking back at old photos I thought were lost. It has been a goal of mine to go back and make "yearbooks" of my life. I've been prolonging the process, because where do you start? 2016 while it is still hot and fresh in your mind? Or 2006 while you still remember some details? I have always wanted to keep a journal, but I have been terrified of being judged. So in a way, my day planners have been what I call my "Life Bibles" for the past decade. I am so happy with myself that I have used them religiously, and have kept them close.

Anyway, today I found some very old pictures of my coworkers, who have become such dear friends over the years. I wanted to post a thank you to my former boss, and friend V Fred who gave a twenty-year-old, redheaded girl a chance at her first CNA gig. When I was little I was obsessed with babies, in-fact I told people when I grew up I wanted to be an OB-GYN, not fully understanding what that entailed. When I saw a posting for labor and delivery back in 2008, I thought I'd give it a chance! I had a coupled interview with Nikki Larsen, and she was so cute, so sweet, and had experience. Vikki gave us a tour of the unit, and when we walked in the tech room, there was a full term fetal demise. I was in shock, and Nikki started bawling-- at that point I knew she got the job.
I was surprised when I received the job offer, and soon learned we both were hired on!

Throughout the eight years I worked as a scrub-tech/patient care assistant, I have met the most amazing people, and have had such incredible experiences-- both happy and very sad. I worked throughout nursing school, thinking I would have to start somewhere like med/surg or a nursing home. When graduation creeped up on me, I wished I had asked more questions, and jumped into more patient care.
I applied for jobs like crazy; positions at Primary Children's, NICU, I would have even loved to work in the OR somewhere. When I learned Labor and Delivery was hiring for the float pool, I was terrified yet excited. I held my breath and hit submit. I worked with Melanie before, and she set me up with an interview right away. I was beyond stoked to accept my dream job, one that I once thought of as impossible to get as a new grad!

This first year as a new nurse has been very rough, yet very fulfilling. It is hard to transition from a nurse's assistant, to being that responsible nurse I once called if there were problems [especially at four different hospitals.] I have had to stop being shy, self-conscious, and doubting my abilities. I know more than I think I know, and I will continue to learn new things every single shift. I absolutely love being a nurse so far. My patients are the highlight of my job. It is the best thing in the world to get to spend all day with a mom and family during such an exciting, life changing transition. Guys-- I literally help bring life into this world!!!!!! Although I have had to experience extreme trauma and grief that I never did expect in labor and delivery; I know that I am exactly where I am meant to be.

So, from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!
Thank you V Fred, and Melanie for both of my incredible positions I have held so far. Thank you to my stellar scrub techs for your friendship, for always being so willing to help out, and for making my transition so smooth. Thank you to my fellow RN's who have answered questions after questions, given me such great advice, and setting such powerful examples for me. Thank you for all the OBs and residents that have been so patient and willing to teach me tips and tricks. Thank you to those who were there that life shaking day; for all the hugs, love and encouragement to come back to work. Huge thank you to my family at IMC who has believed in me, and help mold me into who I am today. Thank you to all the staff at LDS hospital, Riverton hospital and even Alta View hospital that have welcomed me with kindness.
I am truly honored to work for such an incredible company, and especially such an incredible team of individuals.


Had to share some of these classic pictures of my girls from the Pelvic Palace:

RAW.

Say that you are joyfully married to your soulmate and best friend. You live in a good space that you absolutely love to call your home. You have your dream job of helping life into this world. You have a strong supportive family spine. You have come to accept the fact; that you have the prettiest long, thick, red hair everrr. Just had the best wedding of 2016 and married your king.
You can add a very traumatic experience to that, and hey if you looking for negativity, you can find a lot of things that bring you down.

But overall you choose to be happy!

You are the the happiest, nicest, caring person that people know! You love people, and people love you. You are surrounded by everything happy, positive and perfect-- and you totally love your life!

And then your therapist says to you: "It sounds like you have depression."
Then she continues on how the word: "depression" has such a bad stigma. It is simply a chemical imbalance caused from all your stress.
[ie nursing school, moving, wedding, death]
Let's be honest here: your lifestyle choices, relationships, and coping skills matter too.

You are in denial, but you start thinking that in actuality.... you have felt a little off, a little disconnected from the world's energy, a little down on yourself for this and that-- you're even very fat for you. You have pushed away some best friends, withdrawn to your head and sometimes you try too hard to fake that smile. You give it a second thought and read up on this word: "Depression"... "that feeling of impending doom" <- Those new anxiety attacks that you have to breathe yourself through. Your lack of interest in even getting dressed, let alone leaving the house for any reason. Drinking often, and way too much. That tossing and turning at night, caffeine not doing a thing. Shoulder shrugging, large scrub wearing, minimal make up wearing zombie.

Hmm.. maybe you have let yourself just slip through the cracks.

I am taking this as my: "wake up and feel reality call."
#choosingtobehappy

Here are my short term and long term goals for myself:
CHECK THAT POSTURE GIRL!! [posture checks all day, working out and stretching that back and shoulders.]
Stop with the constantly saying sorry-- [unless I really need to be sorry of course!]
Be confident and be assertive-- FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
No more of this withdrawn crap [I'll save that for my zen time]
Coping with conflict <-- This might take some research and time..
Save $$$$
More green tea, much less alcohol. [Sober November]
No comparing yourself to others, just yourself yesterday.
Blog more -- lucky YOU :P
Give at least 5 compliments and 5 genuine thank yous a day.
Spend more time with the grandparentals.
Quit pressing snooze, or at least only once-- haha.
Backpack through Europe. [Planning on our honeymoon November 2017]
Go back to school for my Bachelor's degree, but let's enjoy two more quarters off first ;)
BE HEALTHY!! [the gym was a good start today, but I want to nourish this baby maker.]
Diet-- meal and dinner plans weekly!
Volunteer monthly.
Be more involved in the world and news-- still not politics though ;).
Spend more time outside in nature!
At least 3+ road trips this year!! [Yellowstone/Jackson & Pacific Coast Highway!]

From this older, happier post:
What are you feeling especially blessed or thankful for today? If you are feeling down and out, I challenge you. Every night when you crawl in bed, think of three things you are thankful for today, and three things you want to accomplish for tomorrow. Think happy thoughts, then sleep on them, and make the best of every day.

Wigs for Kids.

I have been saying all of 2016, that after I got married I would donate my hair! Well- November 2nd I did just that! After a little research, I learned that Locks of Love actually charges the family for the donated hair. Wigs for Kids was suggested to me by a friend! I found a cute little salon that would send it for me! I was able to donate 13"!! 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
BEFORE: 

AFTER:

freakishly quiet in my head today..

Wow, I think this is the first time in the last three years I have nothing to stress about.

September thirteenth, two thousand sixteen

Six months from yesterday, on our three year anniversary.
Cannot wait to marry my soulmate. <3
Visit our wedding website here.
#EatDrinkandbeOlsen.
#llamas.

Hey stranger.

Whoa, I cannot believe I haven't updated my poor, little, neglected blog since AUGUST 2015!!
Sorry to all of my non-existent readers! ;).

In the last five months a lot has happened, you could say I'm "growing up" fast.
Some of my favorite highlights by month!

AUGUST 2015
♦ Pickling spicy pickles.
♦ Taste of Wasatch for Justin's birthday.
♦ SLIPKNOT with some of my all time favorite people.
♦ Book of Mormon the Musical!!
♦ Running through the sprinklers.

SEPTEMBER 2015
♦ Carrying on the Swiss Days tradition.
♦ Making Salsa (and my first ever solo batch.)
♦ Getting to go to the KBER studio to see A Lily Gray live on the radio.
♦ Oktoberfest!
♦ Celebrating two years with David! 
♦ Going to Jenny's cabin.

OCTOBER 2015
♦ Celebrating a LOT of birthdays!! [David's, Mom's, Grandma's]
♦ Picking & carving pumpkins.
♦ Finishing my capstone clinicals in three weeks!
♦ Dressing up like bums at school!

NOVEMBER 2015
♦ Family pictures.
♦ Mastering my resume & portfolio. (really, it was a highlight lol.)
♦ Making some KILLER cupcakes. (stay tuned for recipes!)
♦ Thanksgiving.

DECEMBER 2015
♦ Not only graduating, but FINISHING nursing school!!
♦ Getting ENGAGED!!! :D
♦ Becoming an Auntie!
♦ Celebrating Christmas with the family.
♦ My first interview for a NURSE position.

JANUARY 2016
♦ Passing my NCLEX and officially becoming a REGISTERED NURSE!!
♦ Being offered my first [and dream] job as a nurse, in Labor and Delivery!
♦ Snowboarding in our KILLER powder!
♦ Seeing my first two Sundance films.

Mouse Ears and Magic.

Hi there! :)
Sorry, same old usual stuff: busy, busy with SCHOOL!!
I had another successful quarter, kicking ped's butt this time with an A!

I had almost two weeks off for summer, and I spend 90% on a much needed vacation.
David and I headed down to St. George on Wednesday night [6.24.2015] to start our vacation a little early. When we got there we shopped, grubbed and headed to bed early for our drive to Cali in the morning. I had to show David the incredible Jazzy Java's before we hit the road Thursday morning, and he was definitely impressed.

We had one hot, [my AC doesn't like to work on road-trips] yet smooth drive to Anaheim. Once we checked into our hotel, we walked across the street so I could show David what Downtown Disney was all about. Guys, this man gets so excited-- just like me!! It makes everything so much more magical. While we were there, we bought our Disneyland tickets & some mouse ears of course; then grabbed some dinner at ESPN and headed back to our hotel for some quality zzzs.

The next day we experienced the magic of Disneyland! David had been there only once when he was a child, so it basically was his first time. I did my research and we managed to hit everything we wanted to by the afternoon! We met up with my friend Anna and her boyfriend Tim later in the day, and they said we couldn't miss the parade and the fireworks. I am so glad we listened, that alone was worth the trip by itself!!

When our feet could no longer handle it [just before closing-- almost a sixteen hour fun filled day], we drove to our Newport beach house for some much earned sleep.
The next two days we relaxed on the beach and even did some SUPing [stand up paddle-boarding] in the pier. Monday [6.29.2015] we took a boat to Catalina Island. Dave had never been on a boat in the open ocean, [let alone never even seen a real cruise ship!] so it was very special and so much fun. Gosh, I just love that man. While in Catalina we checked out the island, and did some more SUPing and fish seeing in Lover's Cove. It was an wonderful little adventure with the whole fam.

Tuesday [6.30.2015] was a marvelous day spend at California Adventure. We rode everything we wanted to [twice even], and indulged in some lobster nachos and ice cold fulfilling brews [and more brews]. The rest of the week we lived it up as much as we could at all our favorite local by-the-beach spots. Our last night at Newport, David made the whole family a spaghetti and homemade meatball dinner. It was a smashing hit, they all loved it-- and all seven pounds of meatballs were devoured.

Friday, the last morning of the beach [7.3.2015] David and I tried to sleep in, but it was too hard when everyone was leaving. We were the last ones to check out of the empty beach house. We decided on a last breakfast at Charlies Chili one of the local favorites. After breaky we drove to Vega$ for one last night of fun. My sweet Glen got us a room at the Downtown Grand, which was right across the street from the Fremont Street Experience. We didn't have a lot of money left by the end of this long adventure, but we managed to win some cash to pay for our adult beverages. :)

Now we are home, it is kind of depressing actually. I have finished the first week of school already, and I have to remind myself that I am going to school so I can have more magical vacations like that.

I want stuff!
I want to play!
I want to travel!!

So I must work hard and study harder. Hopefully only five months and two weeks until I can start my dream journey as a Registered Nurse.

wanderlust.

I have been lucky enough to have seen some pretty amazing places in my short time here on Earth.
I have adventured to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, New York City, Niagara Falls. I've seen some Mayan ruins, the red light district in Amsterdam, the Grand Canal and Saint Mark's Basilica in Italy.
Santorini and Ancient Greece.
I feel so blessed, yet I want to see so much more.

I've found myself wanderlust lately.

I want to see the Great Pyramid of Giza, and maybe ride a camel.
I want to visit the Colosseum in Rome.
I want to back pack throughout Europe, spending extra time in London.
Stonehenge, Taj Mahal, the Great Barrier Reef, Rio de Janeiro, New Zealand, Fiji.
I want to kiss the blarney stone.
I want to see the Aurora Borealis and maybe stay in an igloo.

I want to see the world.

Where are you dying to go?

you go girl!

Have you guys read: "Dear New Girl at the Gym" ?

A friend of mine shared this letter on Facebook the other day, and I absolutely loved it.

I recently canceled my membership to the amazing Xcel facility. It was hard for me because I have been going there since I was 15, and I have been grandfathered in at a killer rate of $24 a month (and if I ever go back rates start at $79 a month--ouch). I decided to switch to Vasa fitness for the option of more locations, better hours, and to feel a little less out of place.

 I am a little uncomfortable in my own skin right now, but I gained enough courage on Tuesday night for my first yoga class there. I was pleasantly surprised how much I loved the atmosphere. I realized that there are always people more fit than you, and always people less fit than you. We are all in this journey together, and the only person you need to be better than, is the person you were yesterday.

Anyway, this letter says it better, enjoy:

"Dear New Girl at the Gym,

You stand across from me in boot camp or on the treadmill next to me or a few bikes over in spin. I have never seen you before, but here you are. I can tell by the look on your face you are embarrassed. Embarrassed that you can’t do a pushup or don’t know how to adjust your bike or that you walk on the treadmill when the girl on the other side of you runs for a full hour at the speed of a cheetah. You look around and wonder what on earth you are doing here. You glance at me and I smile, but you look away pretending you didn’t see, because that would mean I noticed you. Maybe you are discouraged. Maybe you tell yourself this was a huge mistake and you’re going to ask for your money back. Maybe you wonder if I’m judging you.

I am not.

I want you to know how proud I am of you. You see, even though it might not seem like it, none of us are judging you. Why? Because so many of us were just like you. We know what it is like. We know how hard it is, especially in the beginning. Really we do. Maybe you woke up one day weighing forty pounds more than you did five years ago. I have been there. Maybe you stepped on the scale at the doctor’s office, had the nurse cluck her tongue, and then had the doctor say something like, “Now let’s talk about your weight.” I have been there. Maybe you recently had a baby, and you wonder if there will ever be a time when you don’t have to tuck your stomach into your pants. I have been there. Maybe you get half way through the warm up in a group fitness class and wonder if you are this out of breath now, is a full hour going to kill you? I have been there. Maybe money and time are tight and the idea of spending $30-$70 a month and an hour a day on yourself feels awfully selfish. I have been there. So many of us have.

You see us running or biking or lifting weights, and may feel discouraged or that we are judging you. Please, please, PLEASE know that we are not, because so many of us have been in your same shoes. You see us for what we are now, but many of us started out just like you, on a journey to find our best selves.

Please come back. I know it is hard, but it will get better, I promise.

And then you will wake up one day and wonder when you became that person. You know that person who can jog a few miles or do a whole spin class or even do boot camp without being sore the next day. And you will be the one, standing across the room, smiling at the new girl hoping she knows how lovely and wonderful and brave she is. Hoping she knows she is worth all the work. Because you are. You are so worth it. You deserve to be your healthiest self.

Now there might come a time and a place where someone will judge you, even someone at the gym. Maybe they make rude comments or give you that look. Maybe they have never known what it feels like to struggle with their weight. Maybe they have low self-esteem. Maybe they have never eaten an entire pan of brownies by themselves (I have) or an entire bag of Halloween candy before a single trick or treater came to their door (I have). Maybe they forgot what it was like to be the new girl. Please, don’t waste your time on them. You are on a journey to be your best self, and they don’t belong on your journey. Find people and a place where you can begin where you are.

Come back. You are so worth it."

Daily law.

↬Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. While you walk, smile! It's the ultimate anti-depressant.
↬Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. #breathe.
↬When you wake up in the morning, complete the following statement:
"My purpose is to ____________ today."
↬Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
↬Drink green tea, and plenty of water.
↬Try to make at least three people smile today :)

↬Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts, or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.
↬Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out credit card.
↬Life isn't fair, but it is still good. #always.
↬Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
↬Don't take yourself so seriously-- no one else does.
↬You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
↬Make peace with your past so it wont spoil the present.
↬Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
↬No one is in charge of your happiness except you. Choose to be happy.
↬Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"
↬Forgive everyone for everything. #karma.
↬What other people think of you is none of your business.
↬However good or bad a situation is, it will change. #nostress.
↬Your job wont take care of you when you are sick, your friends will. Stay in touch.
↬Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
↬Each night before you go to bed, complete the following statement:
"I am thankful for _____________. Today I accomplished ________________."
↬Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

A bump in the road..

Uhhg. I've been "held back."
I'm so bummed.

I was looking forward to peds for so long, I freaking love kids!! I was even thinking about doing something pediatric related when I become a registered nurse.
I don't know what it is about it, but that class is one of the hardest classes I have ever taken-- even worse than pharmacology!!

I need a 78% to pass any class at Fortis, and I got a freaking 76.3%.
I missed it by 1.7%!!! [insert red face emoji here]

So instead of increasing my load this semester,
(I can't handle five 12 hour days in a row, and 0 days off).
It is with a heavy heart I am prolonging my graduation date. :(

Instead of being done this September, I will be graduating in December.
[8 months 2 weeks]

You know me, trying to see the positive of this situation:
+ At least I will still be a nurse by the end of this year!
+ I will have an easier load this quarter-- all to enjoy the summer with ;).
+ I will have an advantage this semester! [Peds & OB booooyah]
+ I will miss cohort 16, but I love cohort 17 as well!
+ It will be nice to have a break from all those clinicals and sims this quarter.

A few of my favorite things..

Today was complete with: 

♥ fresh iced tea.

♥ lots of h2o.

♥ margarita pizza.

♥ yoga class.

♥ sweat sesh.

♥ clean hair. 

♥ kombucha.

& cuddles.

Happy Tuesday! 

Hoppy Easter.

This Easter I spent this holy day with my incredible little family: My mom, Glen, David, Noah and his sweet girlfriend Lyndsey. 

Glen and my Mom made the best feast to celebrate, and after we played an unholy game of Cards Against Humanity. 

BEFORE: 

[Cheese plate, tossed salad, filet mignon, balsamic mushrooms, grilled asparagus, funeral potatoes (Noah's fave), roasted sweet potato, and deviled eggs.]

AFTER: 

David was beyond stoked to see the Easter bunny brought us a chocolate egg. He is so freaking adorable.

My beautiful Easter tulips from David's Mother: 

It was not our usual Easter spent with the extended fam (Grandma was out of town), and we didn't dye any eggs this year, but it was beyond perfect spending the day at home with the people I love most.